he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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