are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize