You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
