I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
