Kiss
Puke
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
