Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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