You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
