Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i think i just lost a toe
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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