How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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