I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
