so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
