i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
