so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
