Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
