is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
