Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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