totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
