Small penises have feelings too.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
