he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
