She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
