When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
