Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
