My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize