It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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