I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just had sex on a roof
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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