party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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