I need help removing her.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
