I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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