Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
