can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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