he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
