I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize