ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
