overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I deserve this hangover.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
