Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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