I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
