Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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