you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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