Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
