a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
