my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
