i would punch a child for taco bell
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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