I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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