Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
