It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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