420 ftw
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
