he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
