I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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