he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
