I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I want is dick and wine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
