Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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