My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
